Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Saying NO!!

Ever come across a situation where you have to say No to someone for something that you can do?? I'm sure you have.. What I wanna know is how simple or difficult should it be??

I for one find it really difficult to tell No to people in certain situations, even if the person is a complete stranger. I have had many people telling me, "How difficult is it? You don't even know the person". Sounds simple, but I find it difficult. Well if I do manage to say No, I keep feeling guilty and keep bothering about it, like how I am now. The reason for the post - an incident that happened in the bus today.

Before I write about today's incident, let me write about a couple of incidents more, that have happened, not very long back.

Incident 1: I have this tendency of giving money to people who come begging, for I feel bad for them. After advice from many people I have now improved and stop myself from giving money to the beggars who look young/healthy. One evening on the way home, I was waiting for my turn at the usual grocery store, when a pretty healthy looking beggar turned up. Nobody present there responded to him. I was lost in thought whether or not to give him money as he had a bandage wrapped around his elbow. Seeing that nobody responded, he approached the shopkeeper, who said that he won't get anything for free!! The beggar took 3 Rs and handed it to the shopkeeper. I was feeling sad for him that he has so little to spend for something to eat. Before I could do anything, the beggar says "One Charms!!". Can you believe that? :O He bought a cigarette.x-( The incident irritated and upset me so much. Is this what happens generally??

Incident 2: I along with a few friends were at the railway station waiting for the train. A beggar turns up. My friends say No, so I say No too. Within a few minutes a lady approaches me with an open palm. I say No again. As she walked away, I noticed that she had a huge bag on her head. She appeared to be clad in neat saree as well. She went and stood at a distance. As I wondered... the realization struck me that she with her open palm was pointing at the bottle of water I was holding. She was asking for water!! God!! How ashamed I felt at that moment. :( I then went to her, told her that I misunderstood her, apologized and gave her the bottle of water. She smiled and thanked me. :)

Incident 3: This is what happened today. The lady in the seat next to me, a villager, asked me what the time was. Though I can now have minimal conversation in Tamil, I don't know how they tell the time in Tamil. So I responded saying "Tamil teriyaadu" ( I don't know Tamil ) and asked the girl standing beside to tell the lady its 7.30. Immediately after this the lady asks me questions like, where am I going to get down? If I have a mobile phone? She said that she has to call her son and asked me to do so from my mobile. When I said No, she asked that was it because I didn't have balance in my phone? I didn't know what to say, I was wondering whether or not I should make a call for her sake... Thinking that my number would unnecessarily go to unknown people, I decided against it. Thankfully since I had told her that I don't know the language all I had to do was stay silent. She stopped talking to me herself.

I have been feeling guilty since then and wondering whether I did the right thing?? How do I know if I am in a situation like Incident 1 or 2? How do I decide when to tell No to people? How do you people do it? Let me know...


  1. I didn't know you had a blog...just saw the link today :D anyway, it's nice to be reading you.

    Incident 1 - I've seen many of those cases and fallen victim of it time and again. It's so frustrating when you help someone and they turn back use the money for something as cigarettes. Sigh.

    Incident 2 - I am so so glad that you went to give her water as soon as you realized the mistake. Not many people would've done that. Kudos, darling.

    Incident 3 - Dunno what to say. I've had people borrow my ph to make calls quite a few times, and I haven't had trouble yet. I don't know has to be a judgment call and I am sure you did what felt right.

  2. hey.. thank you for stopping by to read.. means a lot :)

    Yes.. exactly.. its so frustrating and such things make me think if I am right..

    Thanks!! :D that's the least I could do to apologize to the lady.

  3. Inci 2 : Kudos :)
    Inci 3 : You can help people to connect through public booth rather than feeling guilty ..

  4. thanks!! :)
    And that's actually a good idea, for a situation where I can do it...