Ever come across a situation where you have to say No to someone for something that you can do?? I'm sure you have.. What I wanna know is how simple or difficult should it be??
I for one find it really difficult to tell No to people in certain situations, even if the person is a complete stranger. I have had many people telling me, "How difficult is it? You don't even know the person". Sounds simple, but I find it difficult. Well if I do manage to say No, I keep feeling guilty and keep bothering about it, like how I am now. The reason for the post - an incident that happened in the bus today.
Before I write about today's incident, let me write about a couple of incidents more, that have happened, not very long back.
Incident 1: I have this tendency of giving money to people who come begging, for I feel bad for them. After advice from many people I have now improved and stop myself from giving money to the beggars who look young/healthy. One evening on the way home, I was waiting for my turn at the usual grocery store, when a pretty healthy looking beggar turned up. Nobody present there responded to him. I was lost in thought whether or not to give him money as he had a bandage wrapped around his elbow. Seeing that nobody responded, he approached the shopkeeper, who said that he won't get anything for free!! The beggar took 3 Rs and handed it to the shopkeeper. I was feeling sad for him that he has so little to spend for something to eat. Before I could do anything, the beggar says "One Charms!!". Can you believe that? :O He bought a cigarette.x-( The incident irritated and upset me so much. Is this what happens generally??
Incident 2: I along with a few friends were at the railway station waiting for the train. A beggar turns up. My friends say No, so I say No too. Within a few minutes a lady approaches me with an open palm. I say No again. As she walked away, I noticed that she had a huge bag on her head. She appeared to be clad in neat saree as well. She went and stood at a distance. As I wondered... the realization struck me that she with her open palm was pointing at the bottle of water I was holding. She was asking for water!! God!! How ashamed I felt at that moment. :( I then went to her, told her that I misunderstood her, apologized and gave her the bottle of water. She smiled and thanked me. :)
Incident 3: This is what happened today. The lady in the seat next to me, a villager, asked me what the time was. Though I can now have minimal conversation in Tamil, I don't know how they tell the time in Tamil. So I responded saying "Tamil teriyaadu" ( I don't know Tamil ) and asked the girl standing beside to tell the lady its 7.30. Immediately after this the lady asks me questions like, where am I going to get down? If I have a mobile phone? She said that she has to call her son and asked me to do so from my mobile. When I said No, she asked that was it because I didn't have balance in my phone? I didn't know what to say, I was wondering whether or not I should make a call for her sake... Thinking that my number would unnecessarily go to unknown people, I decided against it. Thankfully since I had told her that I don't know the language all I had to do was stay silent. She stopped talking to me herself.
I have been feeling guilty since then and wondering whether I did the right thing?? How do I know if I am in a situation like Incident 1 or 2? How do I decide when to tell No to people? How do you people do it? Let me know...